LOVE, WORK, THE SELF, THE BODY, INVESTING, RISK and POKER by Bob Silverstein, MA, LCSW
I don’t know if my title left anything out. No, I think I covered it all. Sigmund Freud spoke of love and work as the two activities that best define an individual’s interaction with the world. He also wrote eloquently about the connection between our bodies and our psychological development. As we develop physically and psychologically, our bodies and our brains process and store our experiences in an interdependent and interactive manner. The self is not only an emotional, psychological and linguistic presentation of who we are, but a physical reenactment of all that we have felt, experienced and become.
For those of you who have studied trauma specialists such as Patricia Ogden and Bessel van der Kolk, my personal revelation may not be that surprising. From their teachings we have learned that trauma and excessive stress can overwhelm our ability to function normally and cause our thinking, emotions, and reactions to become distorted. In fact, we can only interact well with others and process information accurately when we are not overwhelmed, agitated, numb or detached.
For me, playing poker is as much a grand experiment as an avocation. The game provides me with the opportunity to regularly recognize and separate optimal from less than optimal states of being and to gauge the results of doing so. When I am in a calm and focused place, I win far more often than when I’m distracted or preoccupied. Because I don’t want to lose and the benefits of winning are so tangible, it becomes very clear why I MUST stop messing around, why I MUST NOT indulge the less than optimal parts of myself, and get myself back to a better-feeling and functioning state of being.
In my coaching and counseling practice I work with a number of investment professionals who originally came to see me because they were functioning less than optimally, making mistakes or behaving badly on their jobs. My primary task is often to help them to reengage with their work assignments in a more focused and less hyper-manic manner. I often observe that when these bright and motivated individuals run into trouble at work, they have “left their bodies” and they need to learn some of the tools that I have learned from poker and from my study of trauma and its effect on the body and the brain. Just as I have experienced in playing poker, they often discover that being more mindful of what is happening inside their body has a direct effect on what is happening in their brain. Understanding this connection helps them to achieve and maintain a clearer focus as they pursue their goals. These individuals often discover that it is not primarily about the competition, but as the legendary poker player Doyle Brunson said in Super System: A Course on Power Poker (pg.40):
Sure, you want to study the emotional makeup of your opponents. But of all the players at the Poker table, the one whose capabilities and limitations are going to affect you the most, is the one sitting in your chair.
When investment professionals learn this lesson, it also often produces a corresponding demonstration of the financial and emotional benefits of mindfully reconnecting to themselves.
Recently, a colleague called to refer an investment professional to me for coaching. After we spoke about the referral, I told her that I had recently won a free online poker tournament sponsored by the Miller Brewing Company. The prize package includes a $10,000 seat in next year’s Texas Hold ‘em event at the World Series of Poker in
Whether it’s an investment professional, poker player, or psychotherapist sitting in the chair, being able to recognize and process what is going on inside oneself in real time and under stressful conditions is the single greatest determinant of success. Why does a person drift off and lose their attention at certain times or when facing particular challenges? What can they learn from tightness or a particular sensation in specific parts of their body? Why do people take random events outside of their control personally? How do they feel about winning or losing to opponents and how does this affect their actions? More importantly, how does one learn to recognize and modify these distractions so that they can maintain their focus on the challenge before them rather than managing their reactions to it?
Like my colleague, many of you might have concerns about the possibility of my having a healthy relationship to a risky and at times addictive activity like poker. You might also question the wisdom of applying the knowledge that I have achieved from playing poker to teaching people how to manage risks more successfully. After all, we have all been taught correctly that gambling, along with many other risky activities can be both addictive and destructive. For many sound clinical reasons we encourage abstinence as the healthiest and safest choice for many of our clients. For some people however, the benefits of dealing with risk consciously and conscientiously, rather than avoiding it altogether, are tangible. For example, when people play poker and actively manage its inherent risks, they can gain experience regulating their impulsive behavior, facing fears, socializing, identifying internal activity and belief states, exercising mental functions, learning self care techniques and relaxing in the face of crisis.
When one plays a game of managing risk, like poker, where few hands are certain winners, a person also gains active risk management skills. In order to do well in poker, a player must decide when it is helpful to take a risk and when it is not. Taking unreasonable and impulsive risks is more often than not costly, but avoiding reasonable risks altogether ensures that a player will lose; for example, there are mandatory bets in poker called “blinds” and “antes” that will eventually deplete one’s chips if a player is not taking additional risks during the course of the game. The learning parallel for me is that playing it safe and abstaining from all but the safest situations is not a winning strategy in poker or in life. Rather, it is a strategy that masquerades as wisdom, but is often an attempt to avoid making mistakes.
Learning to work with the risky poker situations that are an inherent part of each game is an ongoing primer in making decisions in the face of fear, concern and vulnerability. Poker teaches us that managing the risks of the game is not only beneficial but absolutely necessary. It also can show us that managing risk directly and actively is often far more meaningful and joyful than playing it safe or not playing at all. Poker is a game of risk management that can promote safety, in real time, by placing an individual within a process that facilitates repeated learning about how to manage challenging decisions, circumstances, cognitive problems and people.
Playing poker mindfully can be metaphorically similar to leading a more engaged and richer life. It requires an awareness of one’s self, body, cognitive processes, and surroundings. It provides a good framework for dealing with adversity and a philosophy for a more active “risk management.” I have learned through my many years of working with clients, moreover, that whether I like it or not people always have, always will, and cannot avoid dealing with risk in their professions and lives. I find that teaching my clients to manage necessary and reasonable risk actively and mindfully, rather than simply avoiding it, has provided them with an empowering and practical tool to engage with life’s risks.
